Primo! Cappuccino

Hiya hos and bros. This week's cookie (I know this blog is anything but "weekly"), is from yet another food-getting-place (not sure of the term) in Penn Station on my way home from work. Primo! Cappuccino.

Again it was a black and white cookie in labeless shrinkwrapped plastic, and the thought has occurred to me that this may just be the exact same brand of cookie as the one I had last week, distributed to all these places in Penn Station in one big swoop.

I sat down to watch Alien 3. I had never seen any of the Alien movies and recently made it a point to watch them all in order. The first film, "Alien," is probably the most unique (naturally) and literally other worldly feeling. It wasn't at all what I expected, being a very slow paced, subtle and effective mood piece. "Aliens" ended up as what I originally imagined for the first film, being action driven, more "macho" and fast paced. As I'm thinking of both films now though, I can barely remember "Aliens" and remember almost everything about "Alien."




I liked both movies, though "Aliens" had incredibly annoying characters. Mainly Bill Paxton. "OH MAN!! WE'RE FUCKED, MAN! THIS IS IT, MAN!" Plus, the tough military chick who's got somethin' to prove! I liked Lance Henrickson, pretty much perfectly cast as a morally ambiguous robot.



Soooo I watched Alien 3. I liked it, though after reading that David Fincher "disowns" it, maybe I'm not supposed to? How does one approach a movie after knowing that? I suppose you can choose to completely strip away all context, all IMDB trivia, all back story, and just watch the movie as it's own universe. It's not easy though, knowing the scene you're watching was against the director's wishes, or the killing of major characters were only due to actor's availability. Should these fun factoids be ignored?



Well, I liked the movie. I thought the supporting characters this go around were more interesting, and I was fascinated by the wealth of back story designated to this strange prison planet (was the WHOLE planet a prison? Or just this one building?) I also liked that in THIS movie, the Alien was a hybrid dog/alien. Cool.

Oh yeah, the COOKIE.





I can't explain what it is, but I always have a thing for cookies that have that sexy little strand of hair going down on it's face. It's hot.


The cookie had sat around for days, but was still soft. Way to go! I'm proud of you.

I bit the vanilla side.




Not great. Very strong and sugary, a bit tough. It proved to be difficult to finish the vanilla side.


Then I tried the chocolate.


Very soft, very dark tasting. A bit fudgey. I would even say "YUMMY" if I was forced to.

The vanilla and chocolate together worked great, and made the vanilla taste better for some reason.





The cake smelled like Wonder Bread.




Dear Diary, today I put milk on my head and took a picture of myself at 2 AM because I am lonely.


-Jordan

Le Bon Cafe

Today's cookie review is from Le Bon Cafe in Penn Station, NYC. Every day when I'm pushed home from work, I take the 5:38 pm train from Penn Station. It's becoming so routine that I recognize all the people that take the very same train.

There's Beardy and Weirdy, a couple (one guy with a really long beard, and a hipster crazy eyed girl who is always with him.)

Then there's Cute Girl of Indeterminate age (I can't tell if she's 15 or 20, but she's cute, and she looks like she may not even speak english, or maybe she does?)

And then there's big fat guy who is always asleep wearing headphones, presumably a subliminal hypnosis weight loss tape playing. I'm assuming none of these people are aware of this blog.

There's also Jewish Guy Who Is Always On Cellphone. He wears a Yamaka. He's always running onto the train at full speed and looks really stressed out. Probably from having to be Jewish all the time (I'm only Jewish like once a year, and lately not even.)

And last but not least is Unbelievably Hot Girl. OK, I only saw her once, but she's worth a mention. I literally did a double take as I stood up from my seat to leave and saw her. She looked like she came from another dimension. Why does she even need a train? I always imagine people who are that hot don't need to be transported, they can somehow just appear wherever they want.

Well anyway, I went into a little place called Le Bon Cafe, and saw they had shrinkwrapped black and white cookies. For those who don't know German, Le means "His", Bon means "ugly", and "Cafe" means "butt." Despite the name, the cookies looked good, and they felt soft and fresh.

I had left the cookie in my cookiebag (or, my "bookbag") for 2 days, and in the process it became smushed, the vanilla icing being lifted off the cake and sticking to the wrapping. HOWEVER, this was entirely different than the last cookie I ate, who's rock hard icing I was able to pop off the cake like a lid on a pringles can. This new cookie's icing came off because it was moist, vulnerable and sticky (JUST HOW I LIKE EM, WINK WINK!)













I plopped myself down and checked this shit out.


Mmmmm. The vanilla side was very good, just as I figured it would be. I was able to peel it off the wrapping and slap it back on the cookie. It was chewy and had a real natural vanilla taste, not too sugary.

WATCH OUT! HERE I COME!



Sorry about that, everybody.

Then I tried the chocolate side.

Pretty much the same. Very good and fresh, chewy. I enjoyed eating it more than the vanilla side.




You can tell from this picture that the chocolate was very fudgey.



My only criticism is that the cake was virtually tasteless. I tried eating some of it by itself and it had no discernible flavor, unlike some of the strong lemony flavors I'd taste in other cookies. It was still decent, but a really strong cake flavor would have put this cookie OVER THE TOP! OVER THE TOP, JERRY!



That's actually a picture of me draining milk INTO the glass. I don't know where it comes from.



-Jordan

Hot and Tasty

Hello Cookie Crew!

Union Turnpike. This rounded corner that merges Kew Gardens road into Queens Blvd is where I've emerged from the F and E train most of my life. I definitely have a love/hate relationship with this particular area. Some days I'm so sick of it, I never want to come out of that subway again. But it's hard to not be nostalgic, though is it possible to be nostalgic for something I still pass by every single day?

One of the less consistent things about this area has been what business actually takes shop on this corner. For a long time it was a Nathan's. Then a few years ago it became a "Hot and Tasty" bakery, with pizza I have no interest in trying, as an incredibly great pizza place (La Rondine) is only a few feet away. Besides my theory is, if pizza isn't a place's primary concern or reason for being (i.e. a bakery also having some pizza too if people want it maybe!) then it can't be too good.

I took a drive over to buy a black and white cookie.


Check me out in my car. I'm an adult.




Here was their display.


And look, some cute chocolate rats!



It's funny for a city to chocolatize it's flaws, like it's rat problem. Let's see some chocolate bad traffic too! And chocolate homeless. FREAKIN' CHOCOLATE GULIANI!


So I wasn't able to eat the cookie until a few hous later, and it wasn't shrinkwrapped or anything. I'm not sure if it became stale or was ALREADY stale, but when I bit into it, it was....INCREDIBLY STALE. Rock hard and completely and wholeheartedly unpleasant.



NO COMMENT.


I bit into the vanilla. The vanilla icing FELL OFF in my mouth. You hear me? Is anybody listening to this? The vanilla actually SEPARATED from the cookie in my mouth, as if they were just barely hanging on to each other in the first place.



It was good though. The vanilla. Kind of sugary and "nice" as I wrote in my notes (it's been a few days since eating, I'm sorry but my memory isn't so good right now.) The actual cake was pretty crappy but I enjoyed peeling off the vanilla and eating it.




Next I tried the chocolate. It managed to hang together with the cookie but it wasn't very good. It tasted like really cheap chocolate. Like Choczel's brand chocolate.



Like when you buy some really cheap weird brand of candy you've never seen before, and at first bite it tastes good, then after a few bites you go "ohhh, now I see. This sucks."




Something that MAY be of interest is that the vanilla icing actually had chocolate icing UNDER it. aaaaaaHA!!! I was already suspicious when the vanilla fell right off, but it seems that it was actually hiding what may have been a FULLY CHOCOLATE COOKIE that had some vanilla slopped on top of it like a cheap paint job on a shitty car.




As you can see, I could barely finish this thing. I don't know if the cookies are always stale and crappy or if I had some bad luck.



Actually I would bet most of the cookies I review probably taste wildly different from night to night. But that would imply this blog is a completely useless waste of time, and of course, that would be crazy!??




Well I've gotta go not go to sleep, then wake up exhausted, then be tired all day at work, then come home, and not go to sleep again, and etc, etc.



-Jordan

New Star Cafe

Where have I been and Why haven't I been eating cookies?

I've been very busy with work, and have not had the luxury to go out of my way to find new cookies.

Not that I haven't checked -- every time I pass a grocery store I look in to see if there is a brand I haven't reviewed yet. EVERY time. And every time I see Joey's, Allison's Entenmann's, Muffins n' Stuff, etc, etc. All the brands I've already done.

Currently I am incredibly sick with some sort of cold and haven't left my house.

I promise I WILL update this blog soon, when I have ONE GOD DAMN SECOND.

Ok bye bye!



-Jordan

Amici 519 8th Avenue

A new day job, and about a ton of new grocery stores, delis, bakeries around where I work to look for Black and White Cookies. On the way to the subway, I stopped into RANDOM DELI-BAKERY-GROCERY-STORE-PLACE-THAT-ALSO-HAS-PIZZA (there's like 100 of them around their) called "Amici" and saw a "brand" (?) of Black and White Cookies. Just shrinkwrapped with a price label on it.




I wonder where these come from? I've always had this sinking feeling that I am unknowingly reviewing the exact same black and white cookies (when they aren't brand names), like they all pretty much come from the same place.

So I bought this nameless cookie and managed to find time during the week (which is very difficult now) to eat it.

I thought it would be fun to take a tour of my journey to eating cookies!!!!!

First I am sitting in my chair in front of my computer. I get hungry and realize I'm not eating cookies at the moment. Something must be done!

So I go towards my door! So the door hasn't been touched since I was 12 or so. That's a Radioactive Man Meets Bartman poster, with bird poop all over it (my bird sits on top of the door all the time), and also Beavis and Butt-head stickets and Halloween cartoon stickers, an Addams Family bumper sticker, Superman, Batman, Ghost Rider, and Wolverine stickers. On the other side is a Kids in the Hall Braincandy poster, a They Might Be Giants sticker, 2 props from one of my student films (the fake dollar bill and the Knife Job Application), and a penny I scotchtaped to my wall for reasons that are only my own.





Look down the stairs! Inviting? Hey I like this picture.





This leads to the LIVING room. You can see a big comfy chair, and a big comfy TV.




Then I look in the mirror and hate myself. NEXT.



I walk through the dining room to...




THE KITCHEN. Source of both pain and pleasures.


The refridgerizer is opened so I can get some milk. Next to milk is whip cream. Hopefully I won't be too tired and mix up which one I take.




Then I take a glass. Shit, they're all upside down. How am I gonna pour the milk in?




Then I go through the "junk" drawer and take some Oreos and Pretzel Fish, because eating a giant chocolate and vanilla cookie isn't satisfying enough for a disgusting diarrhea factory like myself.



Then I look at myself again and feel sad.



OK so I finally sit down, and I bite the cookie.



Oh my god. I'm not gonna lie, I have 5 different sets of notes from cookies I've eaten for this blog, and I don't remember which one is this cookie. I feel like a slob. This was eaten a week ago. I'm such a fucking moron.

Ok, I think I found the right piece of paper (i write these notes on scraps of paper) on my floor. Ah, yes, this is the one.

Vanilla -- it tasted weird. Kind of like a butter cookie. Very very buttery and different. Not great, but buy it anyway, cause it's a cookie don't ya know?




Chocolate - it was good, king of like chocolate ice cream.

I could barely finish it. My appetite isn't what it used to be now that my schedule is all different.



I was finishing up the last few bites...

But holy...what the...?? Barbecue sauce??

I taste BARBECUE SAUCE.

How???



What more can be said?

I'm falling asleep anyway. No more 4 AM cookie blogs. I'm on an unfathomably shockingly awfully exhaustingly early schedule now.




-Jordan