7-Eleven

Me and my girlfriend went to see Mandy at the IFC Theater in what some call "The Big Apple" but in actuality is called Manhattan, New York City. We drove in from Queens which some call "The Little Pear."

Mandy was a movie we both felt conflicted about (no spoilers.) The abundance of style felt to me like a way to pad out a fairly mediocre and very familiar plot, and the film seemed to be trying very, very hard to impress you. But what impresses me in all of my favorite movies is when the director plays a more subtle game. When your mind is blown through more sneaky means than "LOOK HOW WEIRD THIS SHOT IS!!!!" I've seen many comparisons of this film to the works of David Lynch and I just don't buy it. Lynch is actually a lot more subtle than he's given credit for, aside from a few scenes here and there (and maybe all of Eraserhead), he's not continually stopping his narratives to luxuriate on some surreal mind-blowing shot or sequence, the way Mandy did at every instant.

In regards to that standard plot...a great movie can really blow your mind because the story takes you in unexpected directions, or at least has some sort of twist or something new in the narrative to offer. And a movie can avoid being overly stylish and do this too. Mandy was like an interesting coat of paint on a pretty normal piece of furniture. Doesn't seem very rewatchable, was very slow, very distracting in every instant.

It was fun to watch. It had some interesting performances. It's not a favorite movie though. And it's the kind of movie that seems to REALLY want to be your favorite movie. But nobody likes desperation.

Anyway, what is this, a passable blog about films!?? No! It's about black and white cookies, unfortunately.

After the movie, we went to the 7-Eleven across the street and found that they had 7-Eleven brand black and white cookies.

Who's that girl? It's Kristen!

This doesn't lend anything to the narrative but just looked cool! Kind of like a certain movie we had just seen!

The 7-Eleven cookie felt a bit stiff that night, so I threw it in the microwave for about 8 seconds.

Softened up that little son of a gun real good. Maybe too much? The chocolate had melted a bit over my fingers when I grabbed it, and stuck to the wrapper too.

Speaking of the wrapper, this is a disturbing giant list of ingredients. I think this is twice as much as usual. Hey people, what even is "titanium dioxide"? Am I right? What is that, some sort of naturally occurring oxide of titanium, chemical formula TiO2 that when used as a pigment, it is called titanium white, Pigment White 6 (PW6), or CI 77891? And is it sourced from ilmenite, rutile and anatase. And it has a wide range of applications, including paint, sunscreen and food coloring? When used as a food coloring, does it have E number E171? You know what I mean? Does the world production in 2014 exceeded 9 million metric tons or something? I bet it has been estimated that titanium dioxide is used in two-thirds of all pigments, and the oxide has been valued at $13.2 billion, right?

I took a bite of the vanilla side.

Hrrrm....very uh, chemicall-y. It tasted kind of strange. Not very pleasant. The cake was soft and a bit bland but not too bad. Now is the time for a chocolate bite:

AH, this taste again. I've encountered this before on this blog. Kind of a big fudgy taste, like chocolate frosting on some cheap brand cupcakes. Not horrible, but it feels wrong for a black and white cookie.

Eating the two sides together was a bit of an anticlimax...and...woh woh...what's going on here?

It split in two! Is this because of the microwave? Or would this have happened anyway? Well, I took advantage of this rare freak occurrence and made a black and white cookie sandwich. A taste that emphasized the pretty decent cake and de-emphasized the disappointing icing parts.

Speaking of disappointing, I ate this while watching the season premiere of Supergirl. I watch dumb TV.

The bright side is I also tried these little babies, which are...incredible. Wow. WOW!! Go out and buy these little sons of guns!!!

So the 7-Eleven cookie gets a score of 711...out of 100,000,000.


-Jordan

Superior On Main Black & White Cookies

Hey cookie fans! Or fans of under-appreciated blogs? Or fans of confusing vague irony comedy? Or fans of low quality photos of close-ups of my fingers?

Today's black and white cookies are from the confusingly named Superior On Main:

Main Street? Probably! Going to try to piece this together: these cookies are supposedly superior to other black and white cookies sold on Main Street in...Ok wait.

When I flip the package over it says the company is based on Ashland Avenue in Southbridge, MA.

I give up. Maybe Main is a state of mind. Like yeah man, feelin' really main today, I just want the man to let me be main, you know? 

I'm not thrilled about that giant list of ingredients. SOME OF THOSE WORDS MUST BE MADE UP, LOL!!!!!!!*

I've heard of getting your DUCKS in a row (have I?), but getting your COOKIES in a row? You just shut the fuck up!

I shook my head in amused resignation and took a bite out of the tiny vanilla side:

Mmmm! Very good. Very SOFT! Soft and small like a baby's bottom. The vanilla wasn't intensely sugary or a strong vanilla flavor, but it was pleasant.

Next in mouth goes chocolate:

NOW YOU'RE SPEAKIN' MY LANGUUUAAAGE!

The chocolate side was great. The flavor reminded me of an Entenmann's chocolate donut. You know what word is hard to remember how to spell? Entenmmanns's.

I took a bite of both sides together:

It tasted kind of like both sides would taste together!

Here's some bad scary photos of me with the cookie in my mouth:

Me and my girlfriend (not pictured, but this time actually not pictured and not a joke) ate 5 of the cookies. It was very difficult to not eat them all. They were small and very soft and very good. Like a baby's bottom.

We did manage to have some room left for a few bites of this work of art:

And our pup Penny was more than willing to finish the job for us:

Overall, these were real good, though the long long ingredients list freaks me out a bit, but it's funny how you forget all about that when eating it! Much like life, right?


Thanks for reading!

-Jordan


Footnotes:
* Laughing out loud

Happy Halloween!

Hey guys! 

I know I don't update this much anymore, but Happy Halloween from me and my friends (and girlfriend)!


We all went to The Donut Pub and celebrated.  I had a Black and...ORANGE?!? Cookie! It was incredibly good.

See ya soon, buddies!  Or should I say...BOOdies?!?!

 Jordan (with Dave, Matt, and Kristen!)

Bakery Boys of New York

Hey guys! And that one girl.

Today's mini(ature) cookies come from The Bakery Boys of New York, which to me sounds like some sort of gang from the 1930's. DON'T MESS WITH THE BAKERY BOYS.

I stumbled upon these quite randomly at a grocery store, and waited about a week before remembering I bought them.

To my surprise they were still incredibly soft and fresh (and shiny!) when I opened up the plastic.

It may have been my imagination, but I could swear they were speaking to me. Almost...making a face. "Eat all of us, Jordan. Not just a few. ALL OF US."

Luckily, my friend Dave was there to help me eat these. Though he only had one. Somehow.

I say "somehow" because these cookies were INCREDIBLY good. I was expecting standard stuff but I made an audible "woh" when I tasted these. Or maybe it was a "wow." It could have been a "kaZOOM" but you didn't hear that from me.

Dave was over because we were watching a few episodes of season 1 of The Wire. The Wire is a complex show about how we're all fucked, where people have conversations that we half understand. I really like it so far! The Wire will be making a background appearance in today's blog, if you don't mind. Have you noticed I often eat cookies while watching T.V.? It's the American Dream.

Dave does a funny impression of him. HELLO. HOW ARE YOU.

Oh, also my bird Bob was there, but she's not allowed to have cookies. I let her taste some of the cake part but she didn't like it.

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

I took a cookie out...WOW. It even smelled great! I bit the vanilla side.

Really soft, subtle vanilla but really delicious. WANT MORE.

I bit the chocolate side.

The frosting could best be described as Fudgey. In fact, what it reminded me most of was a Hostess cupcake. And I'm not complaining about that.

When I took the remaining cookies home later, my roommate Nate made the observation that they were actually ALL vanilla topped, with half chocolate icing placed ON TOP OF THE VANILLA ICING. This probably slipped by me because I ate them so fast and was distracted by trying to keep up with The Wire. But you could sort of see this in the picture below. Notice how the vanilla icing curves all the way around the cookie, before the chocolate tear drop tries to obscure it.

Then I drank milk. I have no joke for this. I just drank milk and so check it out.

Then I cleaned up Bob's poops which were all over my legs.

See ya, friends!

-Jordan

P.S. Yes there is a continuity error with my full glass of milk next to the poop tissues, even though I claim to drink milk before this part. Just go with it.

Red Velvet Cookie - IBlogWhatIBake.com

Hey there cookie bros and cookie hos!


My good buddy Adam brought me back a RED VELVET BLACK AND WHITE COOKIE, made by his friend Jill Churco. Jill has her own food blog, with recipes and all sorts of good stuff, over at IBlogWhatIBake.com. GO THERE!

Me and my roommates sat down to play the new Back To The Future adventure game, which is kind of amazing.




Then I prepared myself to eat a black and white cookie with blood red cake.





Last week I'm pretty sure I burst a capillary in my eyeball. I felt a strange pressure and then there was a red spot in my eyeball. THIS IS WHAT MY EYE LOOKED LIKE!!





Now I'm tempted to talk about my burst capillary for the entire blog, but I suppose I should get to the cookie. BURST CAPILLARY. OK...Got that out of my system.



The cookie was small, so it was a struggle to eat it slow enough to review it intensely, so I missed taking a photo of me trying the vanilla side first. Try to deal with this.

The vanilla side. Probably one of the more subtle vanillas that I've tasted. It didn't overload my tongue with sugary vanilla flavor, but what was there had a strange warmth and natural taste to it. I would have liked to taste it even more.

Then I ate a chocolate side. I TOOK A BIG OL' BITE, HEH HEH HEH HEH.




There is also a nice looking non-flash photo, but the flash makes the red cake look brighter, velvetier, and, let's face it, scarier.

The chocolate side was delicious, and the best way I could describe it was that it tasted like a homemade brownie. It even had that very slight subtle burnt taste, like you could actually taste the oven it was made in. It was great!


I ate this very fast.





THEN I HAD MILK, HEH HEH HEH (what?)



See, my eye is all better now! No more BURST CAPILLARY.




Thanks to Jill and Adam for the cookies!


-Jordan

P.S. I google imaged "burst capillary," so I could throw in a picture, but they were all too disturbing. So I'm sparing you. You're welcome.