Glenn Wayne's Gourmet Bakery Minis

After hanging out at the local comic store with my friend Dave (you may remember him from this entry), we checked out out local 7-11. While it had not turned into an all out Kwik-E-Mart (to tie into the Simpsons movie) like other 7-11s around the country, it did have some changes, like Squishees instead of Slurpees, and some random Simpsons signs to keep us amused and excited for a few seconds. I was about to head out when LO-AND-BEHOLD, a new brand of black and white cookies by the register! And some more little ones too! Little cookies make me bigly happy! Holy shit, "bigly" isn't being spell checked by blogger.




Me and Dave came home, sat ourselves down on mah big comfy couch with our small comfy cookies, and proceeded to flip television channels.

The following is from a movie we flipped to randomly in it's last 20 minutes. IMDBing it afterwards revealed it to be "The Howling 2: Your Sister is a Werewolf", but at the time we were clueless and intrigued, and honestly blown away.









How could there be comments on IMDB of people saying this movie is "bad" or "terrible." I mean look at this stuff!

Some of it is kind of grotesque, but believe you me, there were about 30 other movies we flipped right past in favor of this circus of fun. I want to rent it now.

Dave watches the movie's mind boggling ending credits sequence.



I also brought us some amazing snacks from Australia. The chocolate Koala cookies are alright, but Tim Tam's are fucking unbelievable. The best chocolate I've ever tasted. Hell, I'd do a Tim-Tam blog where I just eat the same Tim Tams every day and talk about how great they are. My mom went to Australia though and only brought back 5 boxes, so of course they were almost gone in 2 weeks.



Ok I'm taking too long to get to the cookies. There hasn't been a new posts for a while, so there's been a lot of important stuff on my mind, as you can see.

Look at that giant list of ingredients. Warning sign.



I placed 3 cookies on a plate.


"Helloooo"
"Hellooooo"
"Helloooooo!!"
HELLO!

I bit the vanilla side.


Mmmm. Surprisingly good. It tasted like really pure delicious vanilla. Not too intensely sugary, and it wasn't hard either, but kind of chewy.

I bit the chocolate side (woops, no picture)...Ehhh. It didn't have a big flavor, and actually tasted like DARK chocolate, which I hate.

Now it was Dave's turn. I turned the camera torwards him. He became nervous..(actual quotes)...

"How do I eat it? Anyway I want...?"



Dave's review: His first response was that the cookie seemed "waxy." He said the vanilla was "good. rich. fresh."

He tried the chocolate and agreed that it's flavor was "not as strong."


Too bad the chocolate side takes up most of these cookies! These cookies are NOT equal in vanilla and chocolate. SOMEBODY HELP.


Halfway through eating them, we watched the reality show "Cheaters." For those who don't watch TV at 3 AM, "Cheaters" is inarguably an INSANE show where the producers videotape somebody cheating on a couple (often by hiding in bushes, etc) then have the victim confront their lying partner in public, loudly, awkwardly, and with like 10 huge bodyguards there in case people fight, which they always do. In one episode a girl threw her boyfriends weed into a lake. We all went "AWWWWW!!!!" It was hilarious.



Besides being amAZING, It had one of the funniest excuses I've ever heard a man give a woman for cheating on her. "She's just you when you're not here." And she stayed with him!


Wow.


Then we ate a bunch of pretzels!




THE END.




-Jordan

COOKIE DROUGHT GRIPS CITY

It's been weeks now since the Black and White Cookie Blog has been updated! A long-standing cookie drought has exhausted the city, as citizens and onlookers ask -- "how? ... why?"


The mayor (pictured here, on 9/11) had this to say:


"We...Americans...must stand strong. While we wait for rescue teams to fly in, we must learn to conserve our... black and white cookies. If anybody has a cookie...eat the vanilla side today, and the chocolate side tomorrow...Or half of each side today. Anyway you want to do it...is fine....But try to let your supply last you till the end of the week...And give women and children your highest priority. There are shelters being established in every borough...With makeshift black and whites being given out...They are rye bread slices with chocolate jello pudding on one side and cream cheese on the other...They're the best we could do until this crisis is over."


When the dry spell is over, the Black and White Cookie Blog will commence with it's regular updates. Stay strong!



-Jordan

Trellis' Diner on Roosevelt Island

The other day I met with my friend Matt to play frisbee on the beautiful Roosevelt Island.



After an evening of having-to-keep-running-across-the-park-to-get-the- frisbee-that-was-thrown-wildly-off-target, we checked out the one and only Roosevelt Island diner on Roosevelt Island's one and only street.




Even though I was full after our wonderful dinner, matt convinced me to get us a coupl'a black and white cookies and glasses of milk. It all looked so delicious.



Me and Matt unwrapped the cookies.




Right away I noticed the cake looked very pale and crusty. I had a bad feeling.


Me and Matt both took our first bites of the vanilla side.



OOOOUCH! Hard. Like cold steel. It didn't taste like anything I've had before. It was kind of gross. Not vanilla, more just like...white something. And the cake...blecch. Too much cake with too little taste. It was like eating styrofoam. Huh. Blogger wants me to capitalize "styrofoam." I guess I never thought of it as a brand name, specifically. WELL WELL!

I ate the chocolate side...


Hmm. The chocolate side tastes VERY familiar. What could it be? Matt was able to pinpoint it. Like chocolate Betty Crocker frosting. Ahhhh!


And yet, the entire overall taste was unpleasant. I love when a cupcake has Betty Crocker wapped on top of it, but the thick, dry cake made the cookie a chore to eat. We were both very very disappointed. Especially Matt, who as an innocent and less experienced cookie eater than me, was unprepared for the dreams-dashing mediocrity and depressing anticlimactic taste of the below average black and white cookie.


And they always LOOK so good!


Matt started peeling the frosting off and eating it, leaving a naked cooke in his wake.


We could have used these things as frisbees! (huh...another word Blogger wants me to capitalize! Augh!!)

Meanwhile, I was having fun with my cookie. I noticed that the chocolate smushy frosting took fingerprints very well. Cops should use these!



And then I picked off some vanilla glass shards and smushed them into the chocolate.

(Note: Blogger says "smushed" isn't a word?!? What?!!?)




Matt claimed his cookie for France.


See how thick and oddly textured the cake is? It stuck right in!


After the meal, we did what we always do. Reenact our favorite scenes from Terry Gilliam's Brazil!







See ya everyone!



-Jordan

American Classic

Taste the Best! Wow was I excited to find this cookie! I was on my way to see Spiderman 3 (the BEST movie ever!!!!) and I stopped in a tiny crappy magazine shop to buy a giant bottle of water for the long trip. Before leaving I double checked the cookie selection and HELLOOO! I certainly would like to "taste the best!"

Saw Spiderman 3. Came home.

Unwrapped cookie.

Smart people may be able to tell that the vanilla side got a bit beaten up. I had to sneak it in my pocket into the movie theater. It stayed with me during the WHOOOOLE movie! It loved Spiderman 3 too! Especially how everything that happened made so much sense!!

Anyway...

I tried the vanilla, and I noticed the cookie was INCREEDIBLY soft. Almost like it was wet. Moist. But it was really good. The vanilla was...well...average. Not a huge taste but it was pleasant.

The chocolate was pretty much the same. Even softer and also not a hugely strong taste. I even ate it with the icing side down on my tongue to get the most flavor.



A very good cookie but not the greatest and very generic.

Eating both sides at once was pretty damn satisfying though. It was like Spiderman 3 all over again!


The cookie went by so fast, that I had room for more. My mom had bought more of the Beigel's brand small cookies (see last blog), so I had one...for dessert (??)


Wow, I look as good in this picture as...Spiderman 3!


Fuck you!


-Jordan

Beigel's Black & Whites

So right after Matt called me about "Angel's Bakery" (see previous post), I walked into the kitchen and saw my mom had bought a container of "Beigel's Black & Whites" from Brooklyn, NY. Wohhhh boy, it's gonna be a busy week here at the ol' cookie blog' !


Look, a comforting small list of ingredients compared to the last cookie. Far from popular belief, not everything that Beigel's brand makes are bagels. (I bet they have damn good bagels though.) They also make cookies. Black and WHITE cookies!.... LITTLE Black and White Cookies!

CHECK IT OUT! These cookies are SMALL!!


LITTLE!





TINY!






LITTLE TINY COOKIES!






THEY CAN FIT IN A CHANGE PURSE!





THEY ARE THE SIZE OF A REALLY BIG OVERISIZED COIN!


THEY ARE LIKE POGS!





First I took a bite of the vanilla side.





VERY lemony, sugary, sweet and tasty. A bit tough, but not TOO hard. Kind of reminded me of the ones I got from the Black and White Cookie Company. The lemon overpowered the vanilla, so I would not consider this a very great vanilla side. But it was scrumptious none the less-tious.


Then I bit the chocolate side.


The first words that came to mind were bright, happy, and yum. I can scan my notes if you don't believe me. Not an intense chocolate, but very light and tasty. Again, very different than the last cookie.

I ate the 2nd cookie very fast.


Oh no, only one left!



All in all they were fun to eat. Like candy. Not the best I've had, but I would not hesitate to buy somebody a container of these cookies for their birthday. And only $4.25!



Special thanks to google images.


-Jordan

Angel's Bakery - Heaven On Earth

So I get a call from my friend Matt.


Getting into a car on a foggy Canadian day.



Me: Hello?

Matt: YEAH...Have you had a "Angel's Bakery" cookie?

Me: Is that like a store brand?

Matt: Yeah

Me: NO! I haven't! Can you get me one??

Matt: I got you one.

Me: GREAT! Great...

Good looking out, buddy! So today I drove to Sunnyside, picked the cookie up, came home and ate it at 5:30 AM. Thanks to Matt!!


NOTE: I forgot to buy a new battery for my digital camera, so for this edition I used my old Polaroid camera! The last time I used it was in 2002, so honestly I'm shocked there was still film in it!

SO is this a gift from the Angels? Or...FROM HELL.



This wrapper has the most nudity on any Black and White Cookie label so far!! Look at his little jew-fro. And boy are those ingredients a chore to read. I hope they aren't arranged in such an eye straining way for a REASON.

Let's chow down!



The vanilla was...HARD. OUCH. My teeth felt the cookie more than my tongue. I needed a second bite to even evaluate the taste. Basically the vanilla wasn't strong, and was not very unique. I guess most of these store brands are pretty similar.

THEN the chocolate. Peekaboo!



Softer and pleasant, but not blowing my mind or anything. A deep muddy taste, like dark chocolate. Still I had to strain to really taste it. There just isn't a whole lot of flavor in this cookie.

MILK TIME!!!! WIIIIIIIIPE OUT!!!


Wow Polaroid pictures really bring out the...ugly side of...me.

The cake was pretty basic too -- not fluffy, but pretty dry and soft. It was good! But much like the icing, it barely jumped out.

Why, the vanilla is so hard and plastic that I could just pop it RIGHT off the cake! Look.


They could sell this stuff as a product all it's own!!!


So in conclusion, this cookie kind of sucked. I enjoyed eating it but I expect more from "Heaven On Earth."

Because I don't know how to end this post, here is dictionary.com's definition of "Angel"

1. one of a class of spiritual beings; a celestial attendant of God. In medieval angelology, angels constituted the lowest of the nine celestial orders (seraphim, cherubim, thrones, dominations or dominions, virtues, powers, principalities or princedoms, archangels, and angels)


Lowest of 9 celestial orders is RIGHT!!! Thumbs DOOOOWN!



-Jordan

P.S. Check out Matt's funny funny blog here: http://www.mattkoff.com

Flagship Diner on Queens BLVD

Hello loyal cookie gobblers!

I have not felt like updating this for a while. I suspect this blog may be kind of...stupid?!?

BUT I got the craving for a black and white cookie, and a craving for a blog update, and so here it is. Unfortunately as I steadied the camera to take a picture of that first bite, the batteries ran out.

I went with my friend Dave to the diner that never closes, the Flagship.


This is a placemat from a few months back. Not intended for use on this blog, hence Simpsons (and improvised Boomhauer from King of the Hill, hey not bad) doodles all over it.

I've always UNprofessionally loved Flagship's black and white cookies, but I have been waiting to review them here. Maybe I was scared that when compared to the ton of cookies I've reviewed, the Flagship's wouldn't seem as wonderful.

So I sat down, put on my new last season of Batman Beyond DVD :AWESOME!



I WISH that was me.

Anyway...

IT'S ALL ABOUT THE NILLA BABY. PUTCHA HANDS UP. PUTCHA HANDS UP.

The vanilla side was DELICIOUSHISH. So great. So tasty. It was soft and had the taste AND texture of the vanilla icing you'd find on a homemade cupcake.

It was so good I was LICKING it off just to savor every little bit. Too bad my camera ran out of batteries. Oh well.

The chocolate side was not very impressive. It was really fun to eat, but it did not inspire any sort of description. It was a bit harder than the vanila side (rare) and even the taste of the cake overpowered it.

With every bite of the chocolate, all I could think of was the time NOT being spent biting the vanilla.


The cookie disappeared very fast, and there was not a crumb left on the plate.

3 CHEERS for Flagship Diner.

To see some footage of Flagship Diner, check out my short film "Helping Joe" (2003.) They graciously let us spend all night filming a scene there (for FREE.)

http://www.ifilm.com/video/2724837

or:

-Jordan