So I was putting up fliers for "DRUMMER WANTED" (any drummers out there?) and I proceeded to walk into a nameless grocery store around Thompson street in the lower west side. I see Black and White Cookies with an oddly small plain white label on them.

The brand name is...



Master Baker Black and White Cookie.



Ahhhh what are you doing to me. Well, here we go....

This cookie was masterbaked very well. In fact, they must masterbake a lot! I can see it now, just masterbaking all day and night. Or maybe they masterbake once in the morning and then at night? Maybe they sneak in a little masterbaking during the day, when everyone is at work? Some people think masterbaking is unwholesome, or wrong, but how else besides masterbaking can you get out such a good product? This filthy masterbaker has MY respect, anyway. Since I haven't had a girlfriend in a year, I know i should be doing a lot masterbaking (see...because i usually go out to eat when I have a girlfriend...)


First I tried the vanilla.


It was incredibly soft! Masterbaked with care! The vanilla was like from a delicious cupcake. They must have practiced masterbaking a lot to know how to make such good vanilla frosting!

Then I bit the chocolate.


The chocolate was even softer. Kind of generic tasting but I ate it up fast! The cake also tasted very very good.

However something struck me as strange...each time I put the cookie to my mouth to eat, I smelled something weird and gross. I checked, it was not my hands. It was definitely the cookie. It tasted kind of like...well...maybe someone masterbaked and forgot to wash their hands. It smelled kind of sweaty and weird. This actually upset me because I fully endorse this cookie, it was one of the best I've had in a long while, and yet the smell really turned me off.

OTHER NEWS: Oreos have released this delightful and ha-ha playful variation on their cookie - -


They are long oval shaped Oreo cookies with INSTRUCTIONS and measurements for dunking (i.e. "1/2 full, 3/4 full") You can bet I dunked that shit all night. SLAM dunked. This MAY have been the funnest I've had eating a cookie, or maybe ever, in my life, ever.



Anyway, I learned that when you "masterbake" a cookie, it comes out GREAT, but smells BAD.









masturbate.


-Jordan

Junior's Bakery

Cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake! Me and my friends once got lost for over an hour in Brooklyn trying to remember where Junior's Bakery is, just to sit down in the bright and colorful room (with crayons on the table!) and eat a big juicy moist slice of crazy cheesecake.

During my temp job last week (that I was...fired from?? I'm not sure, but I was told not to come in THIS week...) I stopped over at a small division of Junior's and noticed they had small boxes of Black and White Cookies in the window. OUCH, they were around $16.00 each. I asked them if they sold single cookies, and they did! As I was paying, one of the girls working there dropped a box and orange juice started spilling all over the floor. The guy behind the counter looked at me and rolled his eyes.

I brought the cookie back to my office and took some miserable pictures.






The wallpaper on the computer screen in front of me. Eugh.



Doodles on the notes I had to take.


Cut to one week later, I'm at home, ready to CHECK it OUT.



First I tried the Vanilla.


Chomp. Ow. Hard. Sugary. Not terribly bad, but I was expecting something richer and...OK, I WAS EXPECTING IT TO TASTE LIKE CHEESECAKE. DAMMIT.


Then I tried the chocolate.




Hmm. Really soft...but...something tastes...weird. Ah, I know. The chocolate tastes (and feels) like cupcake frosting. But cheap cupcake frosting, like from an entenmann's box of Valentine's Day cupcakes. Look at the sludgey fudget chocolate.




The cake was average. Not great, but not bad.

The cookie tasted the best when eating both sides at the same time, so II tried eating it like a hamburger (which I have never had.)





In the end, I could not finish the cookie...




Besides, I needed room for my big Bucket-O-Pretzels!




Thanks to Dave for the photos.

-Jordan