Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Tragedy Remembered

Hello fans!!

Some of you may be interested to know that I have also been doing a sketch comedy blog, in accordance with National Sketchwriting Month.

The goal is to write 30 comedy sketches in the 30 days of September. I used to be in a comedy troupe (called Cousin Eskimo) but didn't write much for it, and haven't written much comedy officially in my life, but I am very much enjoying this project.

So check it out! Updated just about every day!



Monday, September 07, 2009

Dylan's Candy Bar

Hello everyone.

This cookie entry is from Dylan's Candy Bar, located at 1011 Third Avenue. I tried out this black and white cookie with my friend and roommate Adam Rosenberg, who you may remember from this post a while back.

Hello Adam.

First, a bit about our day leading up to the cookie.

First, we attended a performance by Cynthia Hopkins at Roosevelt Island. Cynthia Hopkins is one of my favorite musicians/songwriters, and this afternoon she mostly played songs from her mind blowingly elaborate trilogy of musicals, Accidental Nostalgia. She danced and laughed and even ran into the audience to hug and dance with people and babies. This was kind of surreal and hilarious, made even more hilarious by the tragic and traumatizing subject matter of the songs, which, after seeing the musicals, you can't help but ignore.

We were late for the show, but it was nice anyway. Roosevelt Island has always been one of my favorite getaways. Me and my friend Matt used to write dumb songs here. It's beautiful, peaceful, and very, very strange. Disturbing. Gothic. Friendly. I remember the first time I walked all the way to the northern tip of the island to check out the lighthouse. "How quaint and delightful!" one might think. Then, as me and my friend Matt approached the plaque to read about it's history, it all became clear: the lighthouse was built by lunatic asylum patients, in order to catch escapees. Not only that, but records are unclear on if one particular patient who worked on it was ONE patient with a split personality, or MULTIPLE people.


This time, me and Adam walked to the SOUTHERN tip of the island, which was equally as unsettling (and beautiful.) At the southern tip are the ruins of the ol' ABANDON SMALLPOX HOSPITAL, built by, you guessed it: lunatic asylum patients. One could Wikipedia the hell out of this information, but here are some pictures found online (I think we were too mystified to whip out the camera ourselves):

Wow again. Then at the very very very southern tip of the island, was a giant piece of...a wall? Strange. We took pictures in front and behind the wall.

By the way, those of you may remember the black and white cookie I had at Roosevelt Island a long while back. You can refresh your memory about that here:


After checking out the new (and only) pizza place on Roosevelt Island (I could just as soon do a pizza blog as well as a cookie blog...), we took the tram to the east side. AUGHH THE TRAM. It was my first time. This happened:

Adam ingeniously had the idea to eat a lot of candy after eating a lot of pizza, so we made our way to Dylan's Candy Bar. Holy wow.

What can I even say? Here are pictures that Adam took.

We went upstairs to the ice cream bar, where they had a flavor called "COFFEE AND DONUTS." Oh god. I wish I tried it. That night I had a dream about trying it (true story.)

I saw a black and white cookie in the display case, and figured I may as well seize the day.

This place was packed with crazy hyper little kids and incredibly anxious parents. It was a really stressful environment and I definitely wanted to leave ASAP, though I was also beginning to feel kind of light headed and exhausted. Maybe walking for hours then eating a lot of candy isn't really good for you. Me and Adam also bought a giant Rice Krispie treat sandwich with caramel in the middle. There it is on the left. We still haven't eaten it yet, but may need a chainsaw to split it down the middle.

Finally, the cookie.

I tried the vanilla side.

You know...I'm sorry to say, but eh. I think Dylan's is great and I plan on visiting again, but black and white cookies may not be their specialty. The icing was so scarce (you can see it doesn't drape over the sides of the cookie as it often does), that I mostly tasted this big stale rough cake under it, and a hint of sugary vanilla on top. I struggled to pin down what I was tasting...it was a bit bland.

Chocolate side.

Essentially the same thing. My mouth was overflowing with cake and rubbery cookie, but wasn't tasting anything. The cake even had an unpleasant burnt taste in some areas.

As you can see, even with Adam's help I could not finish this cookie. The milk however, may have been the best cup of milk I've ever had.

I recommend going to Dylan's for the sheer absurdity of the place, and for the many flavors of gummies, but not for the cookies.

We went home. We watched Superman: The Animated Series all night. I went to bed.


P.S. The google hits for this blog should be very interesting. ABANDONED MENTAL HOSPITAL CANDY SUPERMAN ROSENBERG CYNTHIA HOPKINS MILK.

Friday, July 10, 2009

Bovella's Pastry Shoppe

Hello everyfun!!! (I MEAN ONE.)

The other day, me and my mate's Matt and Becky went to Bryant Park to watch an outdoor screening of Dog Day Afternoon, one of my favorite films. You can find out about the wonderful, naturalistic, moving, funny, and compelling Dog Day Afternoon on some other website. The focus of this blog is :: THE COOKIES.

Becky brought some cookies over from Bovella's Pastry Shoppe in Jersey. Bovella's website declares that :

There have been a few new additions to the staff at Bovellas, including Rob Weinberger who started a little over a year ago. Bovellas has also added a talented new baker and cake decorator, Bobby Fischer, formerly of Las Vegas, Nevada.

Bobby Fischer???

Well...OK. Perhaps this master of dueling blacks and whites will make o
ne hell of a black and white cookie. Anyway, our cast of characters:




The park was very nice, but crazy crowded. For some reason I had multiple pee attacks and kept having to climb over a mile of people lying down on blankets to get to the port-o-potties (Blogger didn't correct my spelling on that! Wow!) I gave up assuming I was rude to step on people's blankets and food. EITHER LEAVE ROOM OR GET SQUASHED, I always say. In any situation.

The movie was to begin at sundown (preceded by a very random Looney Tunes cartoon, which I can't remember the title of, but it was basically like Tom and Jerry but with a TON of dialogue), so we busted out the cookies beforehand. They were modestly sized, and a bit thin. Not a big fluffy cakey cookie that I've had at a few bakeries. I ate the vanilla.

Mmmmm, toe-licious. The vanilla icing was very sugary, not great, but very soft, nice texture. The cake was actually a bit tougher than the icing, which is not of the norm. Then the chocolate happened.

The chocolate was fairly average (which means it tasted good, but nothing new or special.) The icing was actually kind of cool, like chilled, which was refreshing on such a warm day.

The sun went down and we watched Dog Day Afternoon! The audience triumphantly broke out into a hilariously misguided applause when (SPOILER) Sonny and Sal make it into the limo, about 5 minutes from the actual end of the movie. Boy, did that make me happy.

Well, the movie ended, the port-o-potty line stretched down the block, and the cookie crumbs remained on the grass to be eaten by ants, and some funny centipede lookin' motherfucka that I saw. A nice evening.

See you next time!


Thursday, July 02, 2009

OMFG - New Post Next Week!

This blog is so lame. It's so never updated and Jordan so sucks.

I will be updating the blog next week. I have a cookie plan.

In the meantime I am MOVING and that is taking up a lot of time. That is an excuse and doesn't cover the past few months -- but it does explain the surrounding weeks.

I can't promise updates often but THIS BLOG IS NOT DEAD. NEW POST NEXT WEEK!


Tuesday, February 17, 2009

A Big Fat Hairy Plug

Hey there, friends!

This is a post to tell you that I have started a 2nd blog, called "Mp3 of the Week."  Located here:

I like to fancy myself a songwriter and all around music-maker.  I have many, many, many songs as well as hundreds of (fun!) instrumentals and random noodlings.  I will be posting mp3s I have made throughout the years (as well as new stuff) every single week.  This used to be on my music website, but now in blog form I can have a massive archive building up.  Scary, and exciting.

The cookie posts aren't stopping any time soon!  Don't worry!


Sunday, February 01, 2009


Hello best friends!

This week's cookie was purchased and eaten at Lenny's on 9th avenue and 43rd street. It was recommended by some coworkers. I met my friend Matt Koff there and we HAD AT IT!

Lenny's is across from Westway Diner, the diner I take my lunch break at about once a week. Westway is special because they have Oreo Cookie milkshake, as well as a Caramel shake and a hazelnut shake! Wow!!

Matt showed up and tried to avoid the camera, but I got him!

First we had a very quick pizza slice at Lazara's Pizza right next door. It was ridiculously expensive for a tiny, tiny slice and it tasted average. It WAS good, but so expensive that it left a bitter taste in my bitter mouth.

Here is Matt eating, then reflecting.

Anyway, on to Lenny's! Here is it's funny little logo! It looks like that cartoon chef is expecting a tip with his other hand!


I checked the freezers for some milk to buy, but they only had MUSCLE MILK (what is that stuff?) and chocolate milk. The idea of drinking chocolate milk with a cookie to me is absolutely absurd, and after laughing myself half to death, I regained composure and went to a next door grocery to look for some milk to sneak in to Lenny's. All they had was very expensive (again!) tiny tiny juice box of milk. It was about as much money as a whole quart of another brand of milk! But I'm not taking an open quart of milk onto the train ride home. That would look silly.

It said to shake (why? I don't recall ever shaking milk before.) SO I DID. And YOU get to see it, you lucky, lucky people.

Shake shake shake! Shake shake shake! Shake your milky!

Or: Now THAT'S what I call a MILKSHAKE! Hahahahahaha!

Matt had an amazingly difficult time ordering a black and white cookie. His delicate sensibilties wouldn't allow a cookie that had some "shmutz" on it (I believe it can be spotted in the picture above, and god bless those of you scrolling up to check right now!), but the cute blonde asian girl who didn't speak much english didn't understand how he wanted a black and white cookie, but not THAT black and white cookie. She would grab the cookie, then Matt would say no, so she'd put it down, then Matt would say he DOES want a cookie, and confusion ensued.

I bit the vanilla side.

Hm. It smells a little strange.  The vanilla did not have a glaringly huge flavor.  The cake overpowered it, especially with it's strange strange texture.  It was oddly soft, like a thick sponge.  It felt like it was inflating inside your mouth after every chew.  That sounds kind of pleasureable - but it threw me off.  It felt weird.  

Next I bit Mr. Chocolate.

It was pretty good.  Me and Matt both agreed it almost tasted like an Entenmanns chocolate donut.  I asked Matt if he smelled something strange, and he responded saying he was "smell deaf."  This made me laugh!  And it still does.

Despite my minor complaints, it WAS a good cookie.  Not the best, but I ate it pretty fast.  Then drank some weird tasting milk.  Matt stared off into the distance, like the painting behind him.

And me?  Had to wipe some weird milk off of my face.

See you next time, folks!


Saturday, January 03, 2009

Starbucks/Traditional Favorites



GOTCHA!! Sorry, didn't mean to sneak up on ya. Actually, yes I did.
Today's Black and White cookie was purchased at Starbucks, in Flushing, Queens. The label reads:

TRADITIONAL FAVORITES. Black & White Mini Cookies. A New York City Favorite! (SKU 408785. $1.95.)

I was in a Starbucks because I was on a DATE. I took no photo of the date, who I will never see again. But Google Image finds this photo of two cute girls in a Starbucks:

Hiya pretty gals! DO YA LIKE COOKIES?

I've been meaning to review a Starbucks cookie for quite some time. Not just for the guaranteed Google search hits (starbucks starbucks starbucks starbucks starbucks), but I felt it's time my blog got into some relevant issues regarding
commercialism and corporate monopolies.

The cookies were tasty! :D :D :D

The back of the label says, pretty randomly over the ingredients section, "Pairs well with Sumatra."

A CLUE. Time to wikipedia "sumatra."

Sumatra (also spelled Sumatera) is an island in western Indonesia, westernmost of the Sunda Islands. It is the largest island entirely in Indonesia (two larger islands, Borneo and New Guinea, are partially in Indonesia), and the sixth largest island in the world (approximately 470,000 km²)

Alright. I'll have to buy these cookies, then head over to Sumatra to find out if they do indeed pair well with each other.

AHAH. It also says "Manufactured for Starbucks Coffee Company." So for all intents and purposes, these are "Starbucks" brand (I wasn't sure about that)!

I think you guys should join me for this one. Go to the nearest Starbucks in your area, buy the
cookies, then sit down with me.

Nice to meet you. Are you OK? Good! Is this awkward? I can move over a bit if you want, I don't want to make you uncomfortable.

First we unwrap the cookie (together.)

Then we bite the vanilla side (with each other.)

What did you think? I thought it was not a HUGE sugary strong vanilla taste, but it was very pleasant. It could have been a little more vanilla-y, but I was happy. Were you happy? Are we doing O.K.?

Then we bite the chocolate side (side by side.)

Ok sorry, that is just a badly photographed cookie.

Thoughts? If you want to know what I thought, it was very soft, chewy. It tasted almost like a brownie. Like fudge. I can see from the expression on your face that you agree! You've got something on your face, let me get that.

I ate the 2nd cookie in about one bite!! I should have bought more, this was not nearly enough.

Now let's watch The Short Films of David Lynch together and go to sleep! I prefer to be the little spoon but we can compromise.



-Jordan, 2009 edition.