Wednesday, August 22, 2007

So I was putting up fliers for "DRUMMER WANTED" (any drummers out there?) and I proceeded to walk into a nameless grocery store around Thompson street in the lower west side. I see Black and White Cookies with an oddly small plain white label on them.

The brand name is...



Master Baker Black and White Cookie.




Ahhhh what are you doing to me. Well, here we go....

This cookie was masterbaked very well. In fact, they must masterbake a lot! I can see it now, just masterbaking all day and night. Or maybe they masterbake once in the morning and then at night? Maybe they sneak in a little masterbaking during the day, when everyone is at work? Some people think masterbaking is unwholesome, or wrong, but how else besides masterbaking can you get out such a good product? This filthy masterbaker has MY respect, anyway. Since I haven't had a girlfriend in a year, I know i should be doing a lot masterbaking (see...because i usually go out to eat when I have a girlfriend...)



First I tried the vanilla.


It was incredibly soft! Masterbaked with care! The vanilla was like from a delicious cupcake. They must have practiced masterbaking a lot to know how to make such good vanilla frosting!

Then I bit the chocolate.


The chocolate was even softer. Kind of generic tasting but I ate it up fast! The cake also tasted very very good.

However something struck me as strange...each time I put the cookie to my mouth to eat, I smelled something weird and gross. I checked, it was not my hands. It was definitely the cookie. It tasted kind of like...well...maybe someone masterbaked and forgot to wash their hands. It smelled kind of sweaty and weird. This actually upset me because I fully endorse this cookie, it was one of the best I've had in a long while, and yet the smell really turned me off.

OTHER NEWS: Oreos have released this delightful and ha-ha playful variation on their cookie - -


They are long oval shaped Oreo cookies with INSTRUCTIONS and measurements for dunking (i.e. "1/2 full, 3/4 full") You can bet I dunked that shit all night. SLAM dunked. This MAY have been the funnest I've had eating a cookie, or maybe ever, in my life, ever.



Anyway, I learned that when you "masterbake" a cookie, it comes out GREAT, but smells BAD.









masturbate.


-Jordan

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Thanks for letting me know about the masterbaked Black and White cookie stinking. I will have to put that in my memory bank for the next time I go to NYC not to buy that kind of cookie. We don't have Black and White cookies in California so I have to wait until I go back to NYC on vacation.
Love,
Kat

Jordan said...

Errgghh it's sad because it tasted REALLY good...


-Jordan

Karen said...

good looking masterbaked cookies!

Cakespy said...

Those are some seriously sexy photos of black and whites. Love the mood lighting!

Christopher said...

i play drums + love b&w cookies.

what kind of music?

graffeo@gmail.com

Uptight Loser said...

The Village, Greenwich Village, the West Village. All Acceptable. "The Lower West Side." Not acceptable. Does not exist.